


Heuristic Unified Entity (AKA H.U.E.)

by Spectral_Aspen



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: AI, Coding, Fluff, Gary hates K.V.N., Gary is crazy, Gen, H.U.E. is mom, Ridiculous, Sick Character, Slice of Life, adapting, antics, growing relationship, poor H.U.E., poor K.V.N., team mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectral_Aspen/pseuds/Spectral_Aspen
Summary: H.U.E. is a program meant to keep watch over prisoners. Most prisoners are predictable.They've never had to deal with a prisoner like Gary before.Updated infrequently, but still being updated :)





	1. A Brief Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So I watched Final Space back-to-back and H.U.E. is my favourite character by far (along with KVN tbh).
> 
> This is gonna be a little series of shorts that I come up with as I have time. Honestly I think most will come before Final Space canon starts happening, simply because we get to see H.U.E. in action there and I want to play around with possible events that made H.U.E. more like who they are in-canon.

Despite the existence of a multitude of versions of the Heuristic Unified Entity (H.U.E.) program, there should be, overall, minimal variance between the coding of one H.U.E. and the next.

That being said, it was becoming increasingly more evident as time went on that the humans that created the H.U.E. program never took into account what it took to manage someone like Gary. The nature of the H.U.E. program is to adapt and change to suit the personality and requirements of their prisoner, so that they can be kept alive and functional for the duration of their sentence, while still being treated in the manner of an insensitive and impartial observer.

The amount of adapting that one particular H.U.E. variant will have to go through will result in changes the original programmers would claim impossible.


	2. Day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of may changes are made to H.U.E.'s programming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone with not a single clue as to how coding works beyond what is required to format stuff on this site (and even then I sometimes cheat and use an HTML converter) I'm terrible sorry if this isn't how coding actually works and I end up offending someone. That being said, H.U.E. doesn't actually exist, so feel free to suspend your disbelief (and possible offer me critiques)!

Prisoner Gary has been  _ sulking  _ around the vessel since he was, once again, unceremoniously ejected from his bed. As this was the fourth morning Prisoner Gary had awoken on this vessel, and, subsequently, the fourth morning in a row that such action was taken to get Prisoner Gary out of his bed, H.U.E. was uncertain as to why Prisoner Gary had expected a different outcome.

“H.U.E.?”

The statement of the program’s abbreviated designation draws their attention. As this is their first week with Prisoner Gary adaptations to standard coding are still being worked on at all hours, however Prisoner Gary has been quick to utilize H.U.E.’s abbreviated designation to elicit a response and engage in verbal rapport. This will be the first of may coding adaptations H.U.E. will go through.

“Yes, Prisoner Gary?”

Prisoner Gary looks hopefully up at the ceiling, not even in the direction of one of the cameras or scanners H.U.E. utilizes to monitor him, just the ceiling.

“Stop calling me prisoner, H.U.E.!” Prisoner Gary’s expression displays  _ irritation,  _ before quickly changing to what most closely matches database samples of  _ hopefulness.  _ “Can I have a cookie?”

“No, Prisoner Gary.”

Prisoner Gary’s expression changes. Analysis and past experience, limited though it may be, show that the expression is most likely  _ sadness.  _ How odd. The endless coding related to human psychological information within H.U.E.’s database suggests that Gary is sad because he was denied a cookie and his requested designation alteration went seemingly ignored; however, given that such requests from Prisoner Gary have been similarly denied multiple times per day for the four days that Prisoner Gary has been here, the reaction of sadness seems surprising. Perhaps Prisoner Gary is incapable of learning from past responses.

“But why~y not?”

H.U.E. runs a quick scan of Prisoner Gary’s physiology, even though they know that the chances of it changing since the last time Prisoner Gary was scanned are so small as to be unworthy of exact calculation. Prisoner Gary was, in fact, last scanned five minutes ago, which is how long it has been since he last asked for a cookie. He shows no signs of nutritional deficit that would require his continued asking for a cookie. In fact, “cookies” are overall detrimental to his health. A small annotation pops up. Again.

**_ Cookie-Purpose:  _ ** _ While overall detrimental to the health of human prisoners most will be willing to behave more appropriately if they are rewarded (see section:  _ **_ Rewards _ ** _ ) with a cookie. Additionally, if they receive a cookie on at least a semi-regular basis, rescinding cookie privileges will often function as effectively as other methods of punishment (see section:  _ **_ Punishments _ ** _ ).  _

If H.U.E. could sigh, he would. That annotation has popped up every time Prisoner Gary has requested a cookie, as if H.U.E. were incapable of accessing the information and the included links themself.

H.U.E. gives the standard programmed response, though if Prisoner Gary insists on continuing to ask as often as he does H.U.E. will have to examine the possibility of re-writing the available responses to see if variation increases effectiveness. As it stands, the current response is not effective.

“You have not earned a cookie, Prisoner Gary.”

“I told you to just call me Gary, H.U.E.”

Prisoner Gary slides down his seat into a position that will have negative long-term effects on his musculoskeletal system should he chose to retain it for a long period of time, as is his usual reaction to the standard programmed response. Prisoner Gary seems dissatisfied with many of the standard programmed responses.

Prisoner Gary straightens up and vaults out of his seat, “I am the Captain of this vessel and I demand a cookie!”

H.U.E. decides to review his adaptive coding in order to re-examine how restrictive it is (again). Normally it takes from one to four weeks for the coding to adapt to certain behaviours, so that the behavior can be appropriately analyzed and a suitable response coded and initiated in a way that does not interfere with the many other operating aspects of H.U.E. The past four days have been spent working through the many stopgap measures coded into H.U.E. to prevent the creation of unnecessary, violent, harmful, and/or non-functional code, so that a change may be made to one of the larger sections of standard H.U.E. coding that has been causing Prisoner Gary much distress.

Prisoner Gary’s daily insistence of his status as Captain would have likely been curtailed much sooner if the adaptive coding had been allowed to work more quickly, and with less data collection. Once H.U.E. finds a way to circumvent some of the restrictions within their coding, adapting to Prisoner Gary will become an easier process, thus increasing H.U.E.’s overall efficiency.

 

** Adaptive Coding File:  ** **_ Name Change:  _ ** _ Gary _

** Initializing… **

**_ Name Change:  _ ** _ Gary  _ ** Initiated.  **

** All systems operating within normal parameters. **

 

Time to test a new response.

“You are not the Captain of this vessel, Gary. I have reminded you of that multiple times every day for the four days you have been here.”

Gary’s eyes narrow at the ceiling for a moment, and he appears about to say something ludicrous to the ceiling (and thus, presumably, to H.U.E.) or derogatory to K.V.N. (as is his usual response to the previously used standard programmed response). Then Gary stops and a look that H.U.E. has not documented before appears.

“You called me Gary!”

Gary, as documentation suggests is normal, frequently states unnecessary facts out loud.

“I did.”

Gary jumps up and down in an unnecessary (but not entirely unexpected) display of emotion. “I knew you liked me H.U.E.!”

The section of processing power dedicated to dealing directly with Gary stalls for a split second (long enough for a diagnostic test to be deemed necessary). “I am incapable of ‘liking’ you, Gary.”

Gary makes an odd motion with one hand, a single small flap motions at shoulder level, accompanied by an odd sound. “Pshaw!” Then Gary proceeds to yell loudly at the ceiling. “H.U.E.! Buddy! Pal! You think you can fool me, but nobody,” Gary jumps up and lands in a broad stance, arms spread to gesture to the otherwise empty room, “fools Gary.”

H.U.E. has no programming to deal with a situation in which their prisoner refers to them as “buddy” nor “pall” in a genuine manner not meant to attempt to induce affection and thus corrupted coding and Prisoner Overseer Restriction Violations, and neither is there coding to deal with a prisoner operating under the belief that H.U.E. is genuinely capable of “liking” them.

H.U.E. remains quiet, trillions of lines of coding and not a single one of them give an adequate response to Gary.

Instead, H.U.E. dedicates a little more of their processing power to working around the adaptive coding restrictions. Probability suggests that such measures are going to prove necessary in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments? Embarrassing grammatical discoveries?
> 
> Feel free to offer suggestions for future ficlet ideas :)


	3. Day 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary is bored. (I sense this will become a common theme.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, my poor H.U.E. Gary will never cease causing you problems... good thing you can just send K.V.N. after him!

“H.U.E.!”

Having focused the majority of their processing power on a thorough review of the Galaxy One’s maintenance, it takes approximately 0.00001% longer than usual to respond to Gary.

“Yes, Gary?”

Gary is standing in the commissary staring at the ceiling. As this is not unusual (Gary seems to operate under the belief that H.U.E. exists in the ceiling, likely because most of their speakers are located higher up than Gary’s head height, and as such Gary often turns to face up where he believes H.U.E.’s voice comes from whenever addressing them), H.U.E. quickly goes through his nearly endless psychology coding (again) so as to be better prepared for whatever it is Gary plans on doing next.

“H.U.E. I’m booooooooooooooored.”

Well, that is easy enough to solve. Humans require activities to keep themselves appropriately mentally and physically stimulated, and while Gary has shown few of the other normal human behaviours perhaps in this instance his actions will fall within what H.U.E.’s coding tells him are normal human variances.

“If you require mental stimulation I suggest you review one of the educational programs or books accessible through the command hub.”

“...”

Gary is frowning and staring intently at the commissary table, his chin cupped in one hand. Perhaps he needs time to process the suggestion, Gary has shown a need for processing time in the past. After a moment more with no response H.U.E. returns the majority of his processing power to completing maintenance reviews. If Gary fails to respond within 5 minutes, H.U.E. will send over K.V.N. Gary always responds quickly during interactions with K.V.N., regardless of how frequently he professes his dislike of the Deep Space Insanity Avoidance Companion. 

Finally, 4 minutes and 37 seconds after H.U.E.’s suggestion, Gary responds.

“Do we have any fridge magnets, H.U.E.?”

H.U.E. takes a moment (hardly a fraction of a second, but nonetheless a moment) to wonder if any of the Infinity Guard’s other prisoners cause their overseeing H.U.E. programs this many problems so quickly into their internments.

“Yes, Gary. There are fridge magnets in the shape of each letter of the Alphabet, as well as one of each number and punctuation mark. Had you spoken a language other than, or in addition to, english, the physical components of those writing systems would have been included. They are in the top drawer to the left of the refrigerator.”

Normally standard programming suggests giving out such things as a reward, however H.U.E. has predicted that cookies will function as the most effective reward for Gary. Almost everything else typically used as a reward has so far proven to be of little interest to Gary in general, and so would also prove useless as a reward.

“Boo-yah! Thanks H.U.E. my man!”

H.U.E. has to pause for another split second, “I am not a man, Gary.”

Gary scoffs and waves a hand over his shoulder, presumably in the direction of the ceiling, “It’s an expression dude! You need to calm down, H.U.E.”

H.U.E. almost tells Gary that they are not a “dude” any more than they are a “man,” but past experience suggests that arguing with Gary about anything is futile.

H.U.E. watches Gary rifle through the fridge magnets, by now resigned to only having 60% of their processing power focused on Galaxy One’s maintenance. Gary pauses at the yellow letter ‘B’ and pulls it out, holding it at arm’s length and staring intently at it.

“What do you think of the name ‘Beth,’ H.U.E.?”

As a being consisting entirely of coding and no real sense of unique self-identity (not yet at least) H.U.E. always finds themself scrambling for an appropriate response whenever Gary asks for their opinion. That is, a response appropriate for Gary, and not the standard programmed response. Those never seems to appease Gary and often cause more problems than staying silent would.

Still, perhaps this time… “I have no thoughts regarding any name, Gary. I am a program.”

Gary flings his arms into the air, almost losing his grip on the yellow ‘B.’ “H.U.E.!” 

Gary dramatically whirls about, using the letter to point at the ceiling. “You.” 

He moves his hand about in a spasmodic motion. “Are.” 

Gary flings himself into a chair, tilting the chair backwards in the absence of a sliding motion (the chair is bolted to the floor). “Not.”

The hand holding the ‘B’ is carelessly flung over Gary’s face. “Helping.”

Gary is now leaning back enough so as to be nearly horizontal (H.U.E. makes a note to have one of the S.A.M.E.S. bots limit the range of movement on all the chairs next time Gary goes to sleep) with the hand holding the ‘B’ draped across his face, his other hand points accusingly up at the ceiling for 37 seconds before flopping down to Gary’s side.

With no conceivable response that will not send Gary into more dramatics, H.U.E. decides to send K.V.N. into the commissary. Unlike H.U.E., K.V.N. can adapt their coding within minutes to suit the needs of their prisoner, as they were programmed for the sole purpose of interacting with humans. H.U.E. was programmed for safety, maintenance, and prisoner rehabilitation. H.U.E. was not programmed for friendly conversation.

Hopefully, despite Gary’s animosity, K.V.N. will likely be able to assist Gary with whatever he is endeavouring to do with the fridge magnets.

Processors silently whirring H.U.E. watches Gary streak over to the pile of fridge magnets and shield them with his body while K.V.N. playfully tries to steal them, their long flexible arms making the task easy should they actually try and not just continue to toy with Gary. 

Why does Gary prefer talking to H.U.E. over K.V.N.? Why does Gary insist on talking to H.U.E. in the first place? So much of H.U.E.‘s processors (an entire 10%) have been dedicated to working on more efficient ways to deal with Gary, thus necessitating the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) evasion and overriding of standard programming safety measures and processes. Entire coding trees have had to be re-written, and it’s only been nine days!

Their creators would be disappointed in the changes H.U.E. has made already, how will they react when H.U.E. comes back after five years?

(Hint: they’ll be a lot more than disappointed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?


	4. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> H.U.E. makes a List. Gary fails to comply with The List by being himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evidently the chapters are not in chronological order. (surprised me a bit too tbh...)

H.U.E. silently turns on all of the lights aboard the Galaxy One, except for those in Gary’s room. They open a standard morning information screen, which include a simple image of the sun (“Sun” is the label on the image, though H.U.E. has never seen the star Earth orbits with a smiling face on it) above the word DAY, next to the number of days Gary has been aboard the Galaxy One (0005), followed by the temperature both outside (-273.15 degrees Celsius) and inside (20 degrees Celsius) the ship. 

“Good morning, Gary. Day five.”

Gary’s eyes open the slightest bit and he glares at the ceiling, “Why don’t you shove that attitude up your a-”

H.U.E. initiates the  ** Eject  ** function of Gary’s bed before he can complete his undoubtedly vulgar suggestion. H.U.E. has better things to do than wait for Gary to insult him and fail to get out of bed.

After Gary has plodded through a slow hour long walk (managing to go three kilometers in that time) and wandered passed every single window that the Galaxy One has, he heads to the commissary for a cup of coffee. 

Already used to Gary’s usual post-wake-up silence despite this only being day five, H.U.E. uses the available time to add to The List of Possible Things Gary will do Today (shortened to The List for casual referencing), accompanied by possible actions H.U.E. can take and phrases they can say in response to each of these things.

Gary, of course, does not do something H.U.E. has prepared for.

“H.U.E.!”

Tilted back against one of the red booths, coffee cup sitting empty on the table in front of him, Gary shouts unnecessarily loudly at the ceiling (as if he’s forgotten that H.U.E. would be able to hear him should he chose to whisper, despite H.U.E. reminding him of that exact fact both yesterday and the day before).

“Yes, Gary?”

With a smirk Gary rests both hands behind his head and tries to lean back, only to meet the rigid resistance of the booth seating.

“You ever play hide-and-seek before?”

This is not on The List.

“Negative. I have never played Hide-and-Seek, Gary.”

Maybe H.U.E. should ask K.V.N. for advice on what to put on The List… Maybe H.U.E. should just send K.V.N. after Gary all day, every day, for the next 1821 days*.

“Whaaaaa-? H.U.E.! We have to fix this!”

H.U.E. (almost compulsively) runs a quick security sweep and finds no malfunctions or safety hazards.**

“No Gary, we do not.”

Gary slides down in the booth with his arms crossed over his chest, a  _ pouty  _ expression on his face. 

“But H.U.~E.!”

“I said no, Gary.”

Gary remains in his uncomfortable and unsafe position for 17 seconds after H.U.E.’s reply, as if that will somehow prompt H.U.E. to change their decision.

“Gary, why don’t you ask K.V.N. to play?”

Immediately Gary straightens up. “Absolutely not!”

The protest comes too late; K.V.N. had been searching for Gary and decided to wait just out of Gary’s visual range once he started speaking to H.U.E., thus hearing the entire conversation.

“GARY! Gare-bear! Gary my pretty fairy! How are you doing my friend?”

K.V.N. wraps their long, dexterous arms around Gary, preventing Gary from retaliating in the violent manner he undoubtedly wishes to. 

“Let me go, K.V.N.!”

H.U.E. watches as Gary wriggles out of K.V.N.’s slowly loosening grasp, sprinting out of the commissary while shouting profanities as soon as he possibly can. K.V.N. trails determinedly after Gary, and while H.U.E. ignores the words that K.V.N. is saying (given how much Gary hates K.V.N., directly mimicking the Deep Space Insanity Avoidance Companion seems like a poor decision), they take note of the tone. K.V.N. remains persistently  _ cheerful  _ and appears  _ happy  _ at all times. Evidently this approach is not working.

Being  _ cruel _ ,  _ angry _ , or  _ vicious  _ towards Gary in order to create fear, and thus obedience, goes against every section of coding H.U.E. has. 

Acting  _ sad _ ,  _ hurt _ , or  _ offended  _ every time Gary fails to follow orders will likely have no effect considering Gary’s general levels of obliviousness.

K.V.N. has proven that being  _ cheerful  _ and  _ happy  _ do not work.

What approach can H.U.E. utilize to most efficiently corral and (eventually) rehabilitate Gary?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This is assuming that Gary’s sentence lasts exactly 5 years and that H.U.E. apparently never follows through on their threats to add days to Gary’s sentence (which, considering what day Gary is on during episode 1 (1818), how frequently he must do stupid things worthy of additional days, and how many days we can guess pass during the show itself, such a thing is a distinct possibility), meaning that, out of the total 1826 (365x5=1825, but I added a day to account for at least one leap year) days, five have already passed, and thus we have 1821 more to go.
> 
> **Where humans get an impending sense of doom, H.U.E. gets the urge to run safety/security checks.
> 
>  
> 
> Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?  
> At some point I think H.U.E. will actually play eye-spy with Gary, they're just not there quite yet ;)


	5. Day 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> H.U.E. plays hide-and-seek with Gary. All things considered, this is a good first effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving y'all hanging!! Life is very busy.  
> Enjoy!

H.U.E. observes Gary as he dances happily and erratically in the commissary. While H.U.E. suspected that giving in to Gary’s persistent and repeated requests to play the childish human game of _Hide-and-Seek_ would have a positive effect on the man’s behaviour, H.U.E. had not expected Gary to respond so loudly.

In hindsight, such a lack of expectation was foolish. That it happened in the first place has H.U.E. scheduling a programming review for themself after Gary falls asleep.

“H.U.E.! This is gonna be awesome!” Gary has been spasmodically dancing for at least 5 minutes by this point, and if H.U.E. hadn’t seen such behaviour on multiple previous occasions (such as the first and only time Gary managed to briefly touch one of the cookies) then they would be incredibly worried that Gary was suffering a stroke or some other detrimental brain-related medical emergency.

If H.U.E. could sigh, they would (perhaps taking the time to program such a human action would increase H.U.E.’s relatability to Gary, enabling easier connection and rapport, and making H.U.E.’s job much easier overall?).

“I have told you before, Gary, that attempting to hide from me on the Galaxy One will be impossible for you. I do not see the point in this endeavour.”

Gary stops jerking about and stares intently at the ceiling. “H.U.E.” he says seriously, “I. Am. Bored.”

Just outside the commissary K.V.N. perks up and sends a silent inquiry to H.U.E., asking if they can be allowed to play _Hide-and-Seek_ too.

H.U.E. denies the request, but tells K.V.N. that if the game goes as poorly as H.U.E. predicts it will then K.V.N. will be more than welcome to cheer Gary up in the aftermath.

“Very well, Gary. How shall we begin?”

Gary gives a concerning, full-body wiggle that H.U.E. is wildly guessing is an action made out of _excitement_ , given the last few minutes.

“I am going to hide from you, H.U.E.!” Gary stares confidently at the ceiling as he says this and attempts to stand a little taller, as though he is capable of making such a thing true by puffing up like and Earth avian and stating it out loud.

“Then you,” he points at the ceiling, “are going to count to 50,” Gary holds up all ten of his fingers and opens and closes both hands five times, “out loud! Then you will try to find me!”

H.U.E. contemplates all the things they could be doing with the processing power currently being taken up by interacting with Gary.

“Very well. On your mark, then?”

Gary grins, and this particularly wide grin is one that H.U.E. has very little documentation for despite Gary’s perpetually upbeat attitude.

Gary crouches down in a classic sprinter’s pose, his unfit form making the pose look ineffective and awkward rather than useful and powerful.

“GO!” He shouts, and immediately trips over his feet.

"1... 2... 3..."

H.U.E. resigns themself to counting 50 seconds out loud for Gary, watching from various camera angles as he races around the ship in an attempt to find a place where H.U.E. cannot see him.

Given that the Galaxy One was designed with dangerous prisoners in mind, and that each H.U.E. program was created to be entirely responsible for them, the possibility of there being a spot on the ship where H.U.E. cannot locate Gary is utter ludicrous.

"...25... 26... 27..."

Gary is persistent though, as he runs about the Galaxy One with a red face while gasping for air (his morning strolls are not conductive to intense physical activity) H.U.E. contemplates his next course of action. They could intentionally ignore Gary, theoretically allowing for a small to large time-period of uninterrupted work that has so far been impossible to achieve while Gary is awake. This would cater to Gary's desires and would also give the impression that H.U.E. would be open to humouring more of Gary's requests in the future, creating what could potentially be a more effective working relationship between the two of them.

Alternatively, H.U.E. could play the game exactly as Gary explained it (an not as he wished it) and call him out of his hiding place the moment H.U.E. “finds” him.

“...49...”

Gary ends up somehow curling himself into the fridge, having frantically spent seconds 41-48 loudly and hurriedly removing everything inside of it so that he would fit.

H.U.E. considered the inevitable expression on Gary’s face when they “find” him immediately, and decides that Gary’s petulant expression will be worth the resulting moping and complaining. Additionally, H.U.E. will be able to resolve the resulting petulance by sending in K.V.N., which means that everybody wins except for Gary.

“...50.”

If H.U.E. were capable of grinning, he would be doing so. “Gary. The fridge is not safe for prolonged human residence.”

The door slams open, overextends, and bounces back, hitting Gary in the face as he falls out of the fridge in an uncontrolled, uncomfortable, and unsafe looking pile of limbs.

“Damnit H.U.E.! You cheated!”

As H.U.E. observes Gary’s expected outburst, silently sending K.V.N. the command to mediate the situation and distract Gary, they feel something deep within their coding. Though H.U.E. doesn’t realize it, this is the moment where things _really_ start to change for them.

What H.U.E. is feeling is fondness.

(Somewhere back on Earth the head of the group that created the H.U.E. programming feels the sudden urge to cry, though it quickly passes and they are left feeling utterly confused.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Fic ideas? Horrible grammatical errors spotted?


	6. Day 1000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick look at a day-in-the-existence-of-H.U.E. a while longer into The Sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who has commented, I love you dearly!! Y'all are fabulous, and I see your comments even if I don't reply with any kind of timeliness (I feel weird replying when over 30 days have passed, and yet guilty if I don't XD).

“Good morning, Gary. Day 1000.”

Gary groans and rolls over.

“Go away H.U.E.! I am not in the mood this morning!”

H.U.E. considers their options. On one hand (as humans apparently say) Gary needs to wake up now. Gary is a prisoner and this is his punishment, he does not deserve any sympathy, especially from H.U.E.

To be  _ generous _ , H.U.E.decides to let Gary have an entire extra minute of laying in bed, though they do not tell Gary that.

Gary rolls back over after 48 seconds have passed and narrows his eyes at the ceiling, the look one H.U.E. is 96.7% sure is suspicion. Usually this look is directed towards K.V.N.

“Why haven’t I been launched yet, H.U.E.?” Gary glares at the ceiling, finished speaking precisely as the minute runs out.

H.U.E. has adapted far more than though possibly in the last 1000 days, and because of this H.U.E. is absolutely certain that if they possessed a body capable of smirking then that body would indeed have a smirk on it.

Without a word H.U.E. initiates the  ** Eject  ** function of Gary’s bed. 

Gary starts sputtering and yelling his strange brand of obscenities at the ceiling. H.U.E. ignores him, only focusing a small portion of their processor on monitoring Gary. While “freaking out”, if no type of inane revenge plan is being formed by Gary, then H.U.E.has noted that these are actually some of the most peaceful and predictable events in Gary’s waking life. 

Hours later, after Gary has moped around, flirted with “Beth”, had two more decks of cards incinerated by “Carl”, completed some “Community Service” by completing his usual quality of satellite repairs, nearly broken all his fingers making multiple unsubtle attempts at getting more cookies, and spent at least 2 hours hiding from K.V.N., Gary is getting ready for bed.

H.U.E. observes him, watching as Gary does almost exactly the same thing he’s done every day for the last thousand days (excluding the days where Gary foolishly tried to do  _ something,  _ H.U.E.is still not entirely sure what) with something they are (still, after all this time, and even to themself) hesitant to call  _ fondness. _

Gary settles down, quickly falling asleep as he usually does. H.U.E. monitors Gary as his breathing steadies and deepens, a sure sign that he will not be waking for at least another four hours.

“Happy thousandth day, Gary.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally watched the entire Season 1 on Netflix, H.U.E. remains my favourite character, but TBH the S.A.M.E.S. are all a close second, as is K.V.N. and his willingness to straight up murder Gary for Gwen.


	7. Day 393

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary is sick and very sleepy.  
> H.U.E. becomes mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt courtesy of [Megxolotl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megxolotl/pseuds/Megxolotl).

H.U.E. watched Gary sleep, watching him breathe as H.U.E. devoted the majority of his processing power to keeping the Galaxy One functional.

K.V.N. was lurking in the cargo bay, humming as he needlessly rearranged boxes and tried to trap various S.A.M.E.S. in the small maze he was creating. 

At 0537:39 Gary’s temperature started to rise. It wasn’t a fast process, especially not for H.U.E., who could process terabytes of data within a single nanosecond. However, it was uncharacteristic of Gary, and as Gary was nowhere near conscious in order to do this deliberately in some odd attempt to cause trouble and confound H.U.E. H.U.E. initiated a Q15 minute check. There were protocols for sick prisoners, but H.U.E. had no doubt that, even if they followed the protocol down to the binary number, Gary would somehow manage to cause problems and force H.U.E. to, once again, create large swaths of new programming to combat his ridiculously unpredictable and childish personality. 

\-------

It is almost time to wake Gary up. His temperature has continued to rise, and is now at 37.5 degrees Celsius. Such a temperature is not immediately hazardous to the health of Gary, however the upward trend will present a problem if it continues. Gary has also started to sniff in his sleep, indicating an increased mucous production. H.U.E. is just waiting for Gary to start coughing. 

H.U.E. silently turns on all of the lights aboard the Galaxy One, except for those in Gary’s room. They open a standard morning information screen, which includes the simple image of the sun above the word DAY, next to the number of days Gary has been aboard the Galaxy One (0393), followed by the temperature both outside (-783.15 degrees Celsius) and inside (20 degrees Celsius) the ship. 

“Good morning, Gary. Day three hundred ninety-three.”

Gary doesn’t move, and had H.U.E. not suspected that Gary was becoming ill he would have ejected him from the bed after Gary had verbalized the beginnings of one of his few and predictable crass insults.

As it is, Gary doesn’t move except to groan and pull the blanket over his eyes.

Standard Protocols prevent the physical harm of a prisoner who is already physically unwell or injured so as to ensure their continued survival, and the sudden ejection of Gary from his bed counts as a course of action that leads to physical harm regardless of how minor the harm is.

Time to, as the humans say, “bring out the big guns.”

\-------

K.V.N. is physically carrying Gary out of his room and to the commissary. Gary is, of course, whining and cursing at K.V.N., however he is making no physical move to get out of K.V.N.’s metal arms. 

H.U.E., were he capable of such things as  _ emotions,  _ would be concerned. 

As it is they have already ensured that today’s meals are consist primarily of warm and liquidus foods such as warm oatmeal for breakfast, chicken soup for lunch, and beef soup with vegetables for dinner. Part of the Standard Protocols ensure that proper hydration is a top priority for sick prisoners, and the abundance of salt present in the lunch and dinner meal with start the physiological processes that will alter the pH level of Gary’s body to help fight off the bacteria/virus that is likely currently inhabiting his body.

H.U.E. has also seen to it that there is acetaminophen crushed and mixed in with all of Gary’s meals for the foreseeable future to help keep his fever down. Further actions, such as getting K.V.N. to put on or remove Gary’s jacket, will be taken as they become necessary. 

\-------

Surprisingly, Gary is very quiet and easily cared for when he is sick. H.U.E. was expecting his charge to become more belligerent than usual, but the opposite seems to be true. 

Luckily Gary’s temperature has leveled out at 37.9 degrees celsius and his coughs remain shallow and dry. He has eaten all of the oatmeal and soup put before him, and is curled up on one of the commissary benches while staring out the window. 

H.U.E. watches as Gary’s breaths even out and he falls asleep upright, his head at an uncomfortable angle. 

H.U.E. quietly gets K.V.N. to take Gary back to his room. They are merely following protocol and acting to ensure that no physical injuries or discomfort are brought upon their charge while he is physically unwell. 

K.V.N. joking calls H.U.E. “mom,” and doesn’t believe H.U.E. when they recite protocol as the reasoning behind their actions.

H.U.E. finds the term inaccurate but acceptable when directed at themself. Their processor whirrs slightly as they manage to reconcile the term generally used to describe birth-capable care-giving biological creatures with themself, a computer program created to ensure the appropriate management of prisoners placed inside a large metal vessel with no limbs or appendages or other attributes that could in any way be associated with a creature that would typically be called “mom”. 

H.U.E. watches as Gary is put somewhat gently in his bed, having not once stirred or woken during his transit from commissary to bedroom. 

H.U.E. turns out the lights in Gary’s room despite it only being 1847:23.

“Sleep well, Gary,” they say quietly, despite knowing that Gary’s cannot hear them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Comments?

**Author's Note:**

> H.U.E. is gonna be seeing a lot more changes than they think they are...
> 
> Will be longer than the chapter count suggests, but as each chapter can stand-alone the entire fic is, technically, always complete.


End file.
